Unemployment lines are an optical illusion, joyful leaps are a stilted PR exercise and song titles are emojis — we’re through the looking glass in the Crikey bunker.

(Image: AAP/Dan Peled)

Jog on, Jongen We have to give Services Australia general manager Hank Jongen full marks for lateral thinking. With half of Australia in lockdown and huge numbers of people struggling to access support from a system allegedly riddled with tech issues, Jongen had a novel suggestion: it’s all a trick of the light. It’s not that there are more people needing help, he suggested, it’s merely that the lines outside Centrelink office looked longer — because of social distancing, you see.

“This may result in a noticeable queue in some locations, however this does not mean we’re dealing with increased demand in our service centres,” he said. Genius.

The Canavan moves on There is surely no better way to show that unfounded criticism hasn’t bothered you in the least than posting a long Twitter thread in response. After Opposition Leader Anthony Albanese noted the “pristine” condition of work tools behind LNP Senator Matt Canavan in a recent interview, Canavan replied: “Nice to know that I am living rent-free in Anthony Albanese’s mind … ” This was followed by a series of photos of tools that, look, did appear to have been used.

Read more tips and murmurs from the Crikey bunker…

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