Dressed like she’d had her pants suit remodelled by a suddenly inspired gorilla, flawless hostess Goodrem sparkled through an ARIA show perhaps unprecedented in its seamlessness. Give or take an absurd laugh track (it found Hamish Blake hilarious, Sophie Monk not so much), the enforced regimentation of the COVID-era production successfully erased all traces of awkwardness from the run sheet.
ARIA Awards hosts Joel Creasey and Delta Goodrem. Credit:Getty Images
Zoom! Here’s Best Group, Best Rock Album and Best Album winners Tame Impala collecting their fifth gong of the night in a Perth bar. Zoom! Here’s Best Female Artist, Best Hip-Hip and Best Indie Album winner Sampa (the Great) Tembo blowing the whole damn show away with a storming “black power” smackdown in Botswana. Zoom! Here’s Breakthrough Artists Lime Cordiale doing a big-band uptown funk revue in pastel suits on a multi-tiered bandstand.
No wait, those guys were live in the studio. Whatever “live” means anymore. The point is that nobody had to cover while someone did the long walk up the aisle, nobody could negotiate the twanging gurgle of Zoom audio long enough to start speechifying, and there were no drunks (presumably) on-set to throw anybody off their elegantly scripted game.
From griseous INXS dignitaries Kirk Pengilly and Tim Farriss to Zoomed-in starlets du jour Billie Eilish and Best International Artist Harry Styles, reminders of the “tough”, “crazy”, “challenging” and “weird” year we’ve all shared were relentless, and entreaties to “stay safe” ubiquitous, but the snappy pace of the party felt like a silver lining to the whole crushing catastrophe.
Montaigne, Delta Goodrem, Tones & I and Marcia Hines perform during the Helen Reddy tribute.Credit:Getty Images
From bushfire relief to the defiant flood of online home-concert and Support Act fundraising initiatives, there’s also the fact that this year of all years, the backslapping felt like the least our musicians deserve. The ritual roll call of poignant losses included Reddy, Max Merritt, Don Burrows, Greedy Smith and Bones Hillman, but it’s an open secret that many more have sadly succumbed to the year’s unprecedented challenges.
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As Kelly observed in his usual pithy way, “Music is there for the good times and it’s there for the bad times.” On Wednesday night, it was as euphoric as Shark’s award-winning opening number, Everybody Rise, and as delightfully daft as Sia (probably Sia, it was impossible to tell) presenting her new song Together while buried inside a massively outsized peach-coloured wig and an avalanche of multi-coloured tulle.
Other highlights? Depending on how you interpret the term, Kylie Minogue, Robbie Williams and Keith Urban all Zoomed in to present. Tim Minchin and Kate Ceberano dropped a timely f-bomb each. Tame Impala’s Kevin Parker got to utter the memorable words “Thank you Mick Fleetwood”. And Sarah Donnelley from Wilcannia Central School in outback New South Wales, winner of Telstra’s Music Teacher of the Year award, quietly managed to look as heroic as any of them.
Well, except for Archie Roach. He couldn’t help wondering aloud if someone had made a mistake when he won his third of the night, for Best Male Artist. He also marvelled at how pointy the little critters are. “I’d hate to fall on one,” he joked.
Us too, Archie. Stay safe.
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