Q: I am a seventh-generation Australian. My wife is a naturalised citizen of Indian ethnicity and has been barracking for India in the cricket. Is this grounds for treason?
S.M., Magenta, NSW
Illustration by Simon Letch.Credit:
A: Please take this column to your wife and ask her to read the following words out loudly to your face:
“My darling husband, you are absolutely right. When I became an Australian citizen, I pledged to abide by this nation’s most fundamental rules: to only support the Aussie cricket team, to always join in on a chorus of Daryl Braithwaite’s The Horses, and to never mow my neighbour’s nature strip even though I’ve already dragged the mower out to the front and it would only take five extra minutes.
“Because I have renounced all aspects of my Indian heritage, there should be no more of my delicious rogan josh curries and chicken tikka masala. From now on, I’ll cook only traditional, ’70s-era Aussie curries made with chump steak, sultanas, strawberry jam, cayenne pepper and – for that authentic curry-ish flavour profile – pineapple chunks.
