Escort, columnist and coach Samantha reveals why your sex life as a woman is only just ~beginning~ at 40 – as well as why the concept of the ‘cougar’ is on the rise.
“Once you’ve had a woman, you can never go back to a girl.” These were the words uttered by a 22-year-old architect client recently, who I was lucky enough to spend a few hours with. (His unsuspecting dad gives him a monthly allowance for his bills…)
He also said the age 55 was his limit as that was ‘his mum’s age’. I’ve heard men say 60, even 70, is their limit.
As an escort closer to 50 then 40…(just), I hear these words all the time. And it makes my heart sing. Long gone are the days when women may as well curl into a ball and wilt away after 40. Long gone are the days where we may as well put a bag on our heads every time we leave the house, feeling as sexy as a tent from Kathmandu. I can assure you ladies, your sex life is just beginning.
I’ve been as escort for 10 years. I thought once I hit 40, it would be game over. How wrong I was! As the years roll by, and the wrinkles appear, three things happen: I get busier, I get more expensive, and my clients get younger. I have met women in this game who start escorting at 50. I’ve met women late 60s who work. And business is booming!
I was shown around a brothel recently to meet the girls who had read my books. I was not surprised when I was introduced to one fantastic grandma who was nudging 70. “Our most popular lady,” said the madam proudly.
It’s not some weird fetish from the dirty mac brigade. It’s genuine intrigue and desire from young men. Whether it’s Stifler’s mum in American Pie that made cougar appeal more acceptable, who knows. But it’s real.
Here are three reasons why men love older women (DISCLAIMER: No offense to young girls – you have your clientele, we have ours!):
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1. We have more confidence
Women 40 plus, stop obsessing over our bodies (give or take a few nips and tucks here and there…). We know we can’t change certain things and we have grown to accept ourselves for the way we are. That shines in the bedroom. It used to be lights off and eyes closed for me, now it’s eyes open and lights on! Nothing is more appealing and a turn on than self-confidence. And please don’t worry about your lumps and bumps – we all have them and no one really notices or cares apart from you. Men like women who eat!
2. We have had life experience
Let me tell you a secret. Escorts don’t have much sex. But what we do have is compassion, empathy and great listening skills. Men book escorts not just for a bit of ‘how’s your father’, but mainly connection too. I have lost count the number of times a client has said: “But I just can’t talk to the young ones.”
I even had a client call me up once who said: “Do you have any mature women on your books? All these young ones just want to have sex!” Unbelievable I know, but true. Older women bring life experience to the table, and as one gentleman told me recently, “Why would I want to be with a girl the same age as my daughter?”
3. We don’t take any crap
If there is one thing us old ducks do, or don’t do, is take any crap from men. We have finely tuned our boundaries and know what we want, and what men want. We can read the room and sum up a man faster than you can say James Bond. We also have no hesitation in telling a man to take a hike. We don’t care so much about faking it to please man. Don’t tell us what you want guys, we will tell you what WE want! And men love that.
Regardless of what men love, I am telling you to love YOURSELF! Nothing is sexier than a confident mature woman. And you don’t need to be an escort to feel sexy. Your life isn’t over at 40 – it’s just beginning.
Samantha X is an author, escort, columnist and coach. Follow her on Instagram @samanthaxafterdark.
