Retired Wallabies and Super Rugby prop Dan Palmer has revealed the toll hiding his homosexuality took on his mental health during his playing career.
Key points:
- Dan Palmer says he was “frustrated, angry and desperately sad” as he hid his sexuality during his rugby career with the Brumbies, Waratahs and Wallabies
- Palmer has written of his struggles for the first time, saying he hopes it helps people feel more comfortable with themselves
- Palmer criticised former rugby union star Israel Folau, who had his contract torn up by Rugby Australia for social media posts about homosexuals
In an article written for the Sydney Morning Herald, Palmer described the inner turmoil he endured, even amid his achievements on the field.
Palmer made 46 Super Rugby appearances for the Waratahs and Brumbies — becoming a vice-captain for the latter side — and played a Test for the Wallabies against Scotland in 2012.
He is one of a handful of male professional rugby union players to come out worldwide, the highest profile being former Wales and British Lions international Gareth Thomas in 2009.
Palmer said he was “incredibly frustrated, angry and desperately sad” during his career, adding that he was “trapped in a false narrative and could see no way out”.
“I fantasised about disappearing, changing my name and starting my life all over again,” Palmer wrote.
“After overdosing on painkillers and waking up in a pool of the previous day’s food, it was clear to me that I was rapidly self-destructing and that something had to change.”
Palmer flew to London to see a friend and spoke about his sexuality.
“He was the first person I told that I was gay in my 25 years on the planet,” Palmer wrote.
“Telling him removed a weight I had been carrying for as long as I could remember. I am forever grateful that he was there for me that day.”
He retired soon afterwards in 2014, shifting his focus to university study following his time at French rugby side Grenoble.
He made a short comeback in 2015 for a Brumbies’ Super Rugby trip to South Africa but then retired for good.
Palmer has since completed a double degree in science and psychology at the Australian National University in Canberra, and achieved first class honours in neuroscience.
He is now working on his PhD.
He said he never felt directly discriminated against during his career, and that “the battle for me was primarily with myself rather than with obvious external pressures or discrimination”.
Palmer said he was inspired by Thomas’s public statements, even though he didn’t feel he had the strength to do the same at the time.
Folau’s views the exception, not the rule, says Palmer
Palmer reserved stinging criticism for former rugby union star Israel Folau, who was sacked by Rugby Australia in 2019 for breaching the players’ code of conduct.
Folau made a number of controversial Instagram posts, including one proclaiming hell awaits “drunks, homosexuals, adulterers, liars, fornicators, thieves, atheists and idolators”.
Palmer said that while the Folau saga dragged on, he began to feel a responsibility to say something — although he emphasised it was not his primary reason for revealing his story.
“He will never see the impact he has had on these young people, but if he could, I doubt he could live with himself.
“Thankfully, from my experience in rugby, views like Israel’s are the exception, not the rule.
“It is a slow grind, but we need to build a culture, both in and out of sport, where people are comfortable being themselves, whatever that may be.”
